Adventures of Bob Hope 78

Adventures of Bob Hope 78
January 1963
Published by DC Comics

Writer: Arnold Drake?
Art: Mort Drucker?

Automobile racing is the theme of this issue, as we see Bob and a race car 
babe on the cover and splash page discussing the different meanings of  midget

Bob, broke as usual, is spending his free time watching beautiful girls 
leave a chorus girl agency and a fashion model agency. A beautiful blonde spots 
him and asks if he would be interested in caring for a model? Va-voom! But of 
course. She slips him a package and runs off as two goons appear trying to
find  her.  They grab a cab to chase off after her. Hearing the package ticking, 
Bob thinks it's a bomb and drops it.

Out pops a model .... racing car, that takes off by itself! Bob gives chase 
and fights off a spoiled brat who also sees it and tries to grab it away from 
our hero. An old lady walks by and tries to help. "Oh you big bully -- Take
your  leg away from that child's teeth!" As she beats Bob on the noggin with
her  umbrella, the two goons return and see bob holding the model car.

They offer to trade for a little red fire engine or a plastic scooter, but 
Bob holds on tight as the car starts off again, dragging him up the side of a 
building! (Holy Schumacher, Batman, as our pal Steve Chung might say!)  The 
model car speedily drags Bob across town, but he is eventually stopped by a 
motorcycle cop.  The beautiful blonde appears with another police officer  in a
patrol car. She explained everything, and Bob and babe are free to go.

She finally introduces herself as Dorinda Dee and explains that she is 
helping her father build the world's fastest racing car, and Bob has been  guarding
the working model for the full-sized version. Now if she can only find  a
driver so they can enter a race and win the $150,000 prize...

"You mean, all you need is a driver? Honey, you're talking to Bob 'Hot-rod' 
Hope, the Indian of Indianapolis, the splinter -- er, sprinter of the
speedway!  Oh Boy!" The couple go off to find daddy, but the goons have seen the whole
thing and predict bob won't even reach the starting line, let along the
finish  line.

At Dorinda's home the meet daddy, who is hopelessly nearsighted (think Mr. 
Magoo) and refuses to admit he needs glasses. He shakes the sleeve of a coat on
a hanger, pleased to meet Mr. Hope.  Daddy explains Bob will be driving the 
most powerful car ever made, but he will be facing tough competition from 
Renaldo, who happens to be Dorinda's fiance. Bob is aghast that this may only be
a summer romance. Daddy is convince Renaldo is only after their designs, 
and Bob admits he has designs on Dorinda himself.  Renaldo enters the room  and
grabs a kiss from Dorinda. Daddy asks "Where is he? I want to glare at  him!"

Dorinda introduces Bob and Renaldo, and after they trade barbs and some  lame
jokes, Renaldo leaves to prepare for the race. The rest go outside to show 
Bob the car he will be racing, and Daddy wants to take it for a test drive with
Bob to show him how it runs. Bob panics, especially when Daddy says "It's
not  difficult sonny -- you just point out the road -- also turn me towards the 
steering wheel..."

Off they go! Daddy remarks about how smooth and quiet the car runs and how 
gently it takes turns. Finished, Daddy wanders off, and Bob notes that the  car
didn't move an inch. "Shhh! Don't tell Daddy -- It'll break his heart!" As 
it turns out, the full-size car doesn't run at all! Dorinda doesn't want to 
break Daddy's heart by telling him, and she asks Bob, the world's greatest 
driver, if he can look under the hood and figure a way to get it running. Sure, 
as long as she can tell him where the hood is. She leaves him to his work, but 
it seems someone is already under the hood, and he's got a mallet! POW!

The goons report back to their boss ... Renaldo, of course! ... that Bob 
will wake up with a headache and a big surprise during the race. They've 
loosened the steering wheel and cut the breaks!

The next day is the big race, and Bob is in the lineup, ready to go! Daddy 
is there too, holding an air pump hose and remarking what small hands Bob has 
for a race car driver. Down goes the flag, and they're off! Except for Bob, 
whose car must be a Nova, which in Spanish means "it won't go." The official 
threatens to disqualify Bob if he doesn't get the heap running. As the 
official attempts to count to 10 while Bob is distracting him, Bob gets an  idea! He
sends Dorinda for the model race car. He ties it to the front of the  heap and
off they go! Bob easily passes the other drivers and catches up to  Renaldo!

But Renaldo pulls out a sword (!!) and cuts the rope between the model and 
Bob's car! Bob's car spins out with him in it, and it looks like his race is 
over. But...! The car is now facing backwards, and as Bob accidentally kicks
the  gear shift into reverse, it takes off! "Holy smokes! The old man's so 
nearsighted he put the gears in backwards!"

He passes the other drivers again easily, but as he approaches Renaldo's  car
Renaldo uses a device to slice off Bob's front wheel! Bob runs off the road, 
out of control, into a barn, and emerges from another wall with a barn door 
attached to the car like an airplane's wings. Off he goes into the sky, crash 
landing at the finish line in front of everyone, winning the race!

"Of Daddy! We won! We won!" exclaims Dorinda. "Of course, dear -- I see it 
clearly!" says Daddy, facing the opposite direction.

The final panel shows Dorinda bringing tea to Bob in a hospital bed, but 
despite a broken leg and arm, he runs away, because she has asked him to test 
drive dad's new rocket submarine! "With your father doing everything  backwards,
and with my luck, that sub is liable to shoot me to the moon! I'm  getting
out while I'm still in good shape!"

Thus ends another adventure of ol' ski-nose. I chuckled out loud at several 
jokes this issue, especially the nearsighted jokes. I've been there a few
times  when I've lost or broke my glasses!  The midget racing joke on the cover is
politically incorrect now, but I still think it's pretty funny. The exciting
and  silly race at the end reminds me of the type of ending you could see on
some old  comedy films from the '30s and '40s. Maybe even Bob Hope movies.

-- your pal, Hoy