World's Finest #160: "The Fatal Forecasts of Doctor Zodiac!" Part 1

BRAD: Good evening friends. Of course you remember my robot pals Raven ––

RAVEN: I'm a wisecracker.

BRAD: And Waldo ––

WALDO: Lookin' good!

BRAD: And this time we've got an entry from DC's Go-Go Checks era: "The Fatal Forecasts of Doctor Zodiac!"

DR. Z: Superman! Batman! I, Doctor Zodiac, have read your destiny in the stars! I predict that if you dare to stop this crime – you will DIE!

ROBIN: Holy Horoscope! That astrologer's predictions always come true!

RAVEN: So he's a *smart* as--trologer.

ROBIN: How can we fight the supernatural?

WALDO: Can't use the bat-shark repellent for *this* one...

NARRATOR: Your two favorite heroes, Superman and Batman with Robin the Boy Wonder, in one adventure together!

RAVEN: That's three heroes! Can't you count?

BRAD: Apparently not subordinate clauses.

R&W: Huh?

NARRATOR: Meet Dr. Zodiac, the mystic master criminal who can read the future in the stars. Superstitious nonsense, you say? Then explain how his sinister horoscopes can predict Superman's and Batman's unlucky hours... and why it look like curtains for the World's Finest Team when destiny fulfills... "The Fatal Forecasts of Dr. Zodiac!"

BRAD: Where does one find a sinister horoscope?

RAVEN: Next to the nefarious sudoku.

WALDO: And the Jumble of Doom.

DR. Z: Just as my horoscope predicted, I've doomed Batman with cyanide gas... and I've already done away with Superman! Ha, ha! What a lucky day for crime, eh, Robin?

BRAD: Let's agree right off, no "Zodiac Killer" references.

RAVEN: No problem.

NARRATOR: At a Gotham City charity carnival, where the mighty Superman is a feature attraction ––

SUPERMAN: Tighten your seat-belts, kids! We're taking off!


ONLOOKER: How I envy those youngsters!  Superman is giving them a joy-ride in his special flying caterpillar.

WALDO: Palisades Park had nothing on this!

RAVEN: Couldn't afford the liability.

NARRATOR: Co-star at the carnival is the Caped Wonder, Batman...

BATMAN: Hold onto your crash helmets, fellows! We're going through the Tunnel of Fire!


ONLOOKER 2: Ha, ha! Those kids are having a ball riding through those harmless "flames" which Batman created out of special chemicals!

RAVEN: Thank you, Captain Exposition.

BRAD: No, he's Doctor Kiljoy.

NARRATOR: Meanwhile, on the carnival midway...

MRS. BAXTER: I'm so worried about Myron. This is his first camping trip, and he's only 12! Suppose there's a storm?

MR. BAXTER: Our son is a Baxter! He'll make it okay!

BRAD: He's trying to take her mind of their kid by going to a carnival.

MR. BAXTER: Come on! I want to see this mind-reader!

WALDO: To him you'll be Large Print.

MARVELLO THE MYSTIC: Ah! A vibration from my crystal ball! I sense the presence of a Mr. and Mrs. Baxter! Put a dollar in the box, friends, and I will read your thoughts!

MR. BAXTER: Fantastic! He knew our names... and he's blindfolded! This ought to be worth a buck!

RAVEN: Don't anyone tell him about John Edward.

MARVELLO THE MYSTIC: I see a lad... in hiking clothes... A boy named Myron! You're worried about him. He's only 12... and on his first camping trip!

BRAD: But it's that doctor's report that *really* worries you...

MR. BAXTER: That's our son! How did you know we were worried about him?

SUPERMAN: I'll show you how! This faker has an electronic radio-receiver hidden under his blindfold!

MARVELLO -- AH HELL, DR. Z: What goes on here?

BATMAN: That receiver was tuned to this walkie-talkie radio operated by his accomplice.

RAVEN: Hubba hubba!

BATMAN: She read your lips with her binoculars and then radioed "Marvello" the information!

MR. BAXTER: It's Superman and Batman! We were conned!

BRAD: Out of a whole entire dollar!

WALDO: Which, in 1966, was worth -- a dollar!

SUPERMAN: "Marvello" is really "Cash" Carrigan, an ex-big wheel in the underworld who's on the skids now. And that's his moll!

RAVEN: Whose name is unimportant.

BRAD: But we call her Honey.

BALD GUY WITH STOGIE: I want no phonies in my carnival, Superman! These two are through!

WALDO: Now back to the nice clean hoochie dancer tent!

BGwS: Here comes the Sheriff! He'll take care of these tin-horns!

WALDO: And they go off in a Fugue.

DR. Z: Okay, we'll go! But I'll square this with you finks if it's the last thing I ever do!

BRAD: At the city limits...

HONEY: "Cash," I'm sick of this penny-ante carnival jazz! When are we going to get back into the big-time?

DR. Z: Relax, baby. I'll figure out an angle one of these days. Meanwhile, let's head for that town.

WALDO: Just a short ten-mile hike.

NARRATOR: Presently, on a small town main street...

BRAD: In front of Ye Olde Curio Shoppe...

DR. Z: Hey, look! A crystal ball! Just what we need to revive our mind-reading act. Wait out here!

HONEY: Oh, no! Here we go again!

RAVEN: Isn't that the last line?

DR. Z: Hi, pal! I want to buy one of those crystal balls in the window!

RAVEN: I'm busy digging out earwax with my bugle.

CODGER: Eh? Sorry! I don't want to disturb the window display. But you can pick one of the crystal balls on the shelves!

WALDO: And don't touch my wrinkle cream!

NARRATOR: But as "Cash" picks up one of the glittering spheres, he spots an ancient volume: "Book of Sephren, Astrologer and Seer to the Pharaoh Hotec."

DR. Z: (voiceover) Hey! This book is by a royal Egyptian fortune-teller... and it's translated into English!

RAVEN: Like all the best prophecies!

BRAD: Viz. The Bible Code.

DR. Z: (vo) *GASP* According to the translation, that astrologer tells how he used the positions of the stars to predict the pharaoh's future and to foretell his master's lucky and unlucky hours. He saved the old boy's life many times!

WALDO: No, Your Highness! Mustn't disturb the cobras while they're laying diamonds!

DR. Z: WOW! This ancient fortune teller never missed on a prediction! If this book of horoscopes is on the level, it'll help me get even with Batman and Superman! Boy... Revenge will be sweet!

RAVEN: He said all that out loud?

WALDO: Well, the storekeeper's hard of hearing...

BRAD: And harder of thinking...

DR. Z: (vo) The proprietor would probably want a fortune for a book like this! I'll sneak out with it! That old creep is too deaf to hear me!

RAVEN: "Cash" and carry.

NARRATOR: Days later, in a Gotham City hideout...

WALDO: Where'd they get the money to get back to Gotham?

RAVEN: And get a Zodiac wheel, and Merlin's smoking jacket.

BRAD: Just go with it.

DR. Z: You heard me, baby! From now on, my new alias is Dr. Zodiac. This book of astrology will help me get revenge against Superman and Batman!

HONEY: Astrology help you get those two? How?

WALDO: Astrology heap big help!

BRAD: Ugh.

DR. Z: According to the ancients, everyone has his personal horoscope. This is the guiding star under which he was born.

WALDO: As a car is my very own guiding star.

RAVEN: A 1928 Porter?

BRAD: Don't.

DR. Z: ...and determines his destiny... his luck, good or bad. It's all charted here in the twelve signs of the Zodiac.

BRAD: The Western, or solar, zodiac... but let's not get into that...

DR. Z: This volume shows how the old astrologers could predict the future from the stars. If I knew the birthday of Batman, I could determine his horoscope. Then I could pull crimes during the hours which are unlucky for him!

BRAD: It's so crazy it just might– no, it's just crazy.

HONEY: But how could you find out his birthday? It's top-secret!

DR. Z: So we'll use a secret weapon, doll, namely, YOU! Listen closely...

HONEY: Okay! But it still sounds kooky to me!

WALDO: Only because you've been paying attention.

NARRATOR: That same day, after Batman and Robin deliver some criminals to police headquarters...

RAVEN: Don't they just tie 'em to a lamppost?

BRAD: Not in the Sixties...

GYPSY: Batman, please help a poor woman. Give me a quarter and my trained parrot will guess your fortune! All you have to do is tell me your birthday!

BRAD: Right in front of the Police Station?

RAVEN: Well, this *is* Gotham. Only Batman can catch a crook.

BATMAN: Ha, ha! It's a deal! Get set, Polly: My birthday is April 25th!

ROBIN: Look! She cued him to pull out one of those folded pieces of paper from the box!

RAVEN: The Leo Dorfman school of scriptwriting: Leave no plot-point un-underlined.

NARRATOR: Yours is a future of fortune and fame! The world will echo with the sound of your name!

ROBIN: Right on the button! But how did that bird know which fortune to pick?

BATMAN: Here's the answer, Robin! Polly accidentally picked TWO fortunes for me... They're both exactly alike!

BRAD: And he didn't even get a lousy cracker.

ROBIN: I get it! It's all a petty con game. All the fortunes are the same, designed just to flatter the customer!

WALDO: Moves pretty quick for an old gal.

NARRATOR: Yes, it's a con-game, boys, but with a different purpose. Soon, in Dr. Zodiac's lair...

HONEY: I should rate a medal for finding out Batman's birthday!

WALDO: How often do you see a blonde Gypsy?

DR. Z: Great work, baby! April 25th falls under the sign of Taurus, the Bull! I'll have his horoscope figured in a minute!

BRAD: Say, the Bull would be a great sign for a millionaire playboy.

WALDO: Get serious.

DR. Z: WOW! According to this ancient book, the planets Saturn and Mars will be in opposition to Taurus at exactly 4 p.m. tomorrow. That's when Batman is due for a session of bad luck!

BRAD: How opportune, for a goon. (Backslash Yogi Bear)

DR. Z: So I'm picking that time to pull the crime-spectacular of the year! and Batman's horoscope says he won't be able to stop me!

HONEY: Sounds great! But I'll believe it when I see it!

RAVEN: Swan and Klein really make her one hot hench-babe!

NARRATOR: Next day, atop the visitor's section of the Gotham City tower...

DR. Z: None of the other sightseers are watching!

BRAD: What's there to see? Some guy in a blood-red turban and a "Lucky Charms" bathrobe...

DR. Z: Quick, dump those leaflets!

BRAD: BAT-leaflets, be it noted...

NARRATOR: As the Bat-shaped leaflets blanket the city:

COP: "Batman! I will commit a $1,000,000 robbery in Gotham Central Park, tomorrow afternoon! Try and stop me! Dr. Zodiac." I don't know who this Dr. Zodiac is, but Batman can take him!

RAVEN: Does *every* bat-villain have to issue a challenge?

BRAD: They're just trying to emulate the Riddler.

RAVEN: Like *he* keeps winning...

NARRATOR:  Shortly, at Police HQ:

GORDON: Frankly, I think it's a publicity stunt to advertise some new toy Batplane!

BRAD: You can see why he needs Batman...

ROBIN: You're right, Commissioner Gordon! Every novelty manufacturer is trying to cash in on Batman's popularity!

WALDO: Wait, you don't get a cut on the merch?

NARRATOR: But later, as a roving animal exhibit is put on display in Gotham Central Park...

ONLOOKER 3: A spotted gorilla and a two-headed ostrich! This modern Noah's Ark is terrific!

RAVEN: We've left the carnival, but not the freak show?

ONLOOKER 4: And how about that elephant with the coiled tusks? They say this is the most valuable collection of animal freaks in the world!

BRAD: This was before Captain Carrot.

GUIDE: Hey! The ark is moving! Who's in the driver's cab?

NARRATOR: Who, but the diabolical Dr. Zodiac?

DR. Z: Our first big haul! This collection of freak beast is worth a fortune! I told you Batman wouldn't be able to stop me!

HONEY: Stop gabbing and step on it, "Cash"!

WALDO: 10-4.

NARRATOR: Within seconds, a radio alert echoes in the Bat-Cave...

BRAD: A phone made from Red K?

GORDON: It happened, Batman! The million-dollar collection of rare animals has been kidnapped from Gotham Central Park. The thief is heading north!

WALDO: You mean it wasn't a new toy Batplane after alllllll?

BATMAN: That character, Zodiac, kept his promise. Let's go, Robin!


BATMAN: The highway leading crossed the rive at Lincoln Bridge. We'll try to cut him off there!

BRAD: I'm kinda surprised Batman didn't stake out the park... He *knows* how these things generally work...

NARRATOR: Presently, at the bridge...

HONEY: You and your horoscopes! I knew it was baloney! Here comes Batman. We haven't got a chance!

DR. Z: I'm not worried! According to that ancient astrology book, we can't miss! 4 o'clock has to be unlucky for him... and it's 4 p.m. now!

WALDO: Just in time for tea!

BRAD: That's in Londinium.


NARRATOR: Sure enough, in the next instant...

DR. Z: Look! The drawbridge is lifting to let that vessel through! Batman can't brake quick enough!

BRAD: So the vessel at the trestle helps the schmuck with the truck.


DR. Z: The Batmobile is taking off like a rocket! It's disaster time for Batman... 4 o'clock on the dot, just as the horoscope predicted! Ha, ha!

NARRATOR: Holy splashdown! It looks like the Dynamic Duo has really gone off the deep end this time! Are our heroes sunk? Turn to Part II. The *wettest* is yet to come!

BRAD: He's auditioning for the TV show.