BRAD: Back with Part II of the Metal Men in, "The Cruel Clowns." Really, there's not much to recap. The Metal Men still have their klutz-o-meters turned wayyy up and their Q rating wayyy down.
NARRATOR: As the harassed Metal band wanders sadly through the city streets...
WALDO: Hot town, summer in the city.
COP CAR: CRAAAACK-- POW POW POW ratatatat!
GOLD: The police are chasing gunmen!
RAVEN: Clears THAT up...
LEAD: We've got to help them-- before the hoods hit innocent passerby!
WALDO: Did Roussos and Sekowsky even USE a model sheet?
LEAD: I'll put up a lead wall in front of the gunmen-- that'll crumple up their car like a folded piece of pizza!
BRAD: Speaking of street pizza--
COP CAR: CRAASSH!
LEAD: Uh-oh! I goofed! I missed the gangster car! They were too fast for me! And who dya think I rammed instead? Don't tell me! Let me guess!
BRAD: The Metal Men used to be goofy and colorful, but competent. Now they're dreary and bumbling.
RAVEN: And yet sales didn't improve.
COP 1: What do you expect? It's those blasted robots!
COP 2: They're sabotagin' the department-- that's what they're doin'!
LEAD: Y-you've got the picture wrong, officers....
COP 1: The only time we'll get the "picture" right again-- is to erase it-- with you robots in it!
COP 2: Wait'll we get that "shoot on sight" order against you in effect again!
BRAD: Yeah, everyone knows bullets can stop the Metal Men!
NARRATOR: Lonelier than ever, the Metal Men stumble dejectedly away...
IRON: Never thought we'd make the people blow their cool about us like that!
GOLD: Our luck's running out! Everything we try boomerangs against us!
LEAD: We're oddballs, all right!
WALDO: Shouldn't subtext be BELOW the surface?
TINA: That's it! That's the answer! We're oddballs-- and we're forgetting it!
BRAD: Oddballs, eh? Did you ever show up in Scott Shaw!'s column?
TINA: Don't you get the message? In a society of humans-- WE'RE freaks! But we're not putting on a show for them! Making them laugh! Forget their troubles!
WALDO: C'mon, get happy!
TINA: We're too serious! We've got to put on funny faces! Make with the yaks!
RAVEN: First they're balling in a snow globe and now they're getting romantic with Tibetan cattle. These robots have some kinks in their wiring.
IRON: Tina's right! She's struck the nerve! Her deduction sounded the right chord! What we put on to win the people over to our side again-- is a circus! With us as the clowns!
TIN: It's a n-n-natural!
NARRATOR: The next day, the town is plastered with gay signs...
BRAD: Well, no, they're not gay. In any sense.
SIGNS: COME ONE! COME ALL! GIANT METAL MEN CIRCUS! FREE! FREE!
RAVEN: And worth it!
LEAD: This way to the METAL MEN CIRCUS, folks! It's all free! Bring your friends! Bring your kids! The show's for one and all! We guarantee to make you split!
RAVEN: Like, I'm already splittin', daddy-o!
BRAD: Get back here.
LEAD: Hurry inside! Huree-- hureee-- hureee--!
RAVEN: All right, Lead's head has outgrown his neck and is now encroaching on his shoulders! He looks like the world's biggest dwarf!
NARRATOR: But, inside, though the Metal Men turn themselves inside out, and overheat their transistors with the big try, they reap a crop of catcalls!
CROWD: BOOO! BOOO! CALL THAT FUNNY! PHOOEY! YEKHH! UGH!
BRAD: I'm sorry, this is the taping for "Good Morning Miami."
RAVEN: Why didn't the Metal Men get the same guy who wrote their successful shows?
BRAD: They did! This story was done by Robert Kanigher!
TIN: We've fl-fl-flopped again!
MERCURY: Looks like our first performance is also our last!
GOLD: We'll need the calvary to yank us out of THIS spot!
NARRATOR: Suddenly, a tittering torrent...
RAVEN: It's Ronald McDonald's family reunion!
NARRATOR: At the sight of the cruel antics the mysterious clowns perform upon each other, the laughter of the enthralled audience knows no bounds-- to the amusement of the baffled Metal Men...
WALDO: They look more baffled than amused.
BRAD: Those clowns are getting laughs without big trying.
CROWD: HAHAHA! WOW! HOHOHO! GREAT!
NARRATOR: At the end of the sensational show...
LEAD: You saved our skins! And our show!
MERCURY: Listen to 'em! Exiting laughing!
TIN: On behalf of the Metal M-M-M-- ohhh-- thanks!
NARRATOR: Overcome by curiosity unbecoming a robot, Tin nevertheless reaches out...
TIN: Th-th-the secret must be in those marvelous masks you have on! If we can only borrow them-- we would be able to make the people laugh, too!
RAVEN: Robots in clown face? Mommy, I'm scared!
TIN: Mind if I borrow yours--?
BR&W: HONK!
NARRATOR: Tin's responsometer is rattled by amazement when...
TIN: That m-m-mask isn't a mask! It-it's real! It's y-y-your real face-- not a mask at all! And that m-m-makeup isn't just makeup! It's really y-y-you! This is your real f-f-face! You're a real clown! That's how y-you were born! All of you! As clowns!
WALDO: Tin's who *I* would choose for a soliloquy, for sure!
NARRATOR: The strange clown's face becomes even crueler, as...
CLOWN: So you've uncovered my secret! But-- it won't do you any good! Not after I beam you into silence!
BRAD: I don't suppose that gun's going to shoot out a flag saying, "BANG"?
WALDO: Story continues on the third page following.
BRAD: We have an ad for Matchbox models, MSR 55 cents...
RAVEN: A full-page ad for "Leave It To Binky," with Bob Oksner art...
BRAD: And a full page of "Flash Facts," left over from Barry Allen's mag. Check out the one at the bottom. Waldo, if you please?
WALDO: Delighted. (ahem) The first FLASH BULB was developed in Germany, in 1928. Prior to that time, FLASH POWDER (powdery magnesium) was used to take photographs when lighting conditions were bad...
RAVEN: Check out the photographer! A dead ringer for a certain web slinger!
BRAD: Comics were so much more educational when they threw out these snippets without any context. Back after this.
NARRATOR: As the harassed Metal band wanders sadly through the city streets...
WALDO: Hot town, summer in the city.
COP CAR: CRAAAACK-- POW POW POW ratatatat!
GOLD: The police are chasing gunmen!
RAVEN: Clears THAT up...
LEAD: We've got to help them-- before the hoods hit innocent passerby!
WALDO: Did Roussos and Sekowsky even USE a model sheet?
LEAD: I'll put up a lead wall in front of the gunmen-- that'll crumple up their car like a folded piece of pizza!
BRAD: Speaking of street pizza--
COP CAR: CRAASSH!
LEAD: Uh-oh! I goofed! I missed the gangster car! They were too fast for me! And who dya think I rammed instead? Don't tell me! Let me guess!
BRAD: The Metal Men used to be goofy and colorful, but competent. Now they're dreary and bumbling.
RAVEN: And yet sales didn't improve.
COP 1: What do you expect? It's those blasted robots!
COP 2: They're sabotagin' the department-- that's what they're doin'!
LEAD: Y-you've got the picture wrong, officers....
COP 1: The only time we'll get the "picture" right again-- is to erase it-- with you robots in it!
COP 2: Wait'll we get that "shoot on sight" order against you in effect again!
BRAD: Yeah, everyone knows bullets can stop the Metal Men!
NARRATOR: Lonelier than ever, the Metal Men stumble dejectedly away...
IRON: Never thought we'd make the people blow their cool about us like that!
GOLD: Our luck's running out! Everything we try boomerangs against us!
LEAD: We're oddballs, all right!
WALDO: Shouldn't subtext be BELOW the surface?
TINA: That's it! That's the answer! We're oddballs-- and we're forgetting it!
BRAD: Oddballs, eh? Did you ever show up in Scott Shaw!'s column?
TINA: Don't you get the message? In a society of humans-- WE'RE freaks! But we're not putting on a show for them! Making them laugh! Forget their troubles!
WALDO: C'mon, get happy!
TINA: We're too serious! We've got to put on funny faces! Make with the yaks!
RAVEN: First they're balling in a snow globe and now they're getting romantic with Tibetan cattle. These robots have some kinks in their wiring.
IRON: Tina's right! She's struck the nerve! Her deduction sounded the right chord! What we put on to win the people over to our side again-- is a circus! With us as the clowns!
TIN: It's a n-n-natural!
NARRATOR: The next day, the town is plastered with gay signs...
BRAD: Well, no, they're not gay. In any sense.
SIGNS: COME ONE! COME ALL! GIANT METAL MEN CIRCUS! FREE! FREE!
RAVEN: And worth it!
LEAD: This way to the METAL MEN CIRCUS, folks! It's all free! Bring your friends! Bring your kids! The show's for one and all! We guarantee to make you split!
RAVEN: Like, I'm already splittin', daddy-o!
BRAD: Get back here.
LEAD: Hurry inside! Huree-- hureee-- hureee--!
RAVEN: All right, Lead's head has outgrown his neck and is now encroaching on his shoulders! He looks like the world's biggest dwarf!
NARRATOR: But, inside, though the Metal Men turn themselves inside out, and overheat their transistors with the big try, they reap a crop of catcalls!
CROWD: BOOO! BOOO! CALL THAT FUNNY! PHOOEY! YEKHH! UGH!
BRAD: I'm sorry, this is the taping for "Good Morning Miami."
RAVEN: Why didn't the Metal Men get the same guy who wrote their successful shows?
BRAD: They did! This story was done by Robert Kanigher!
TIN: We've fl-fl-flopped again!
MERCURY: Looks like our first performance is also our last!
GOLD: We'll need the calvary to yank us out of THIS spot!
NARRATOR: Suddenly, a tittering torrent...
RAVEN: It's Ronald McDonald's family reunion!
NARRATOR: At the sight of the cruel antics the mysterious clowns perform upon each other, the laughter of the enthralled audience knows no bounds-- to the amusement of the baffled Metal Men...
WALDO: They look more baffled than amused.
BRAD: Those clowns are getting laughs without big trying.
CROWD: HAHAHA! WOW! HOHOHO! GREAT!
NARRATOR: At the end of the sensational show...
LEAD: You saved our skins! And our show!
MERCURY: Listen to 'em! Exiting laughing!
TIN: On behalf of the Metal M-M-M-- ohhh-- thanks!
NARRATOR: Overcome by curiosity unbecoming a robot, Tin nevertheless reaches out...
TIN: Th-th-the secret must be in those marvelous masks you have on! If we can only borrow them-- we would be able to make the people laugh, too!
RAVEN: Robots in clown face? Mommy, I'm scared!
TIN: Mind if I borrow yours--?
BR&W: HONK!
NARRATOR: Tin's responsometer is rattled by amazement when...
TIN: That m-m-mask isn't a mask! It-it's real! It's y-y-your real face-- not a mask at all! And that m-m-makeup isn't just makeup! It's really y-y-you! This is your real f-f-face! You're a real clown! That's how y-you were born! All of you! As clowns!
WALDO: Tin's who *I* would choose for a soliloquy, for sure!
NARRATOR: The strange clown's face becomes even crueler, as...
CLOWN: So you've uncovered my secret! But-- it won't do you any good! Not after I beam you into silence!
BRAD: I don't suppose that gun's going to shoot out a flag saying, "BANG"?
WALDO: Story continues on the third page following.
BRAD: We have an ad for Matchbox models, MSR 55 cents...
RAVEN: A full-page ad for "Leave It To Binky," with Bob Oksner art...
BRAD: And a full page of "Flash Facts," left over from Barry Allen's mag. Check out the one at the bottom. Waldo, if you please?
WALDO: Delighted. (ahem) The first FLASH BULB was developed in Germany, in 1928. Prior to that time, FLASH POWDER (powdery magnesium) was used to take photographs when lighting conditions were bad...
RAVEN: Check out the photographer! A dead ringer for a certain web slinger!
BRAD: Comics were so much more educational when they threw out these snippets without any context. Back after this.
